that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
