I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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