I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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