Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
