I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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