All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Someone signed my nipple.
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