Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
