super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
