Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
