I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
