I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
