Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
