I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize