my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
