Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
