i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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