You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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