The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
