I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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