hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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