he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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