i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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