Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
