I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
where does the pee come out of this thing
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
