I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
