i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
