Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
