so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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