You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
