Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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