I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
