just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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