I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
