that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
third nipple confirmed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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