i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize