i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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