I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize