just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
