thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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