He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
