I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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