That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
