her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
