I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
