Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think my moral compass just broke
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
