I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
