Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
