Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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