No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
