I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
