i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
