pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
