At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
