Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
