I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
COCAINE IS GR8
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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