We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize