It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
