i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
