i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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