i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
