i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
