Me too!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
