I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
