You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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