I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
