My balls are so social today.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
