we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
