I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
