Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love having hate sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
